Thank you everyone for your kind words and support!! So meaningful and appreciated
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunrise
I wonder if the two of you came to any conclusion about her behavior of talking a lot? It seems like she did that last time for a reason--to try to salvage a session in which you had already withdrawn and weren't participating much. But despite this, you preferred she didn't talk a lot, you wanted more silence. Do you think she would do it differently next time?
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We both know that she has times she talks too much for my liking. When it happened the first time a few years ago, she said that she knows this about herself, and that when it happened with me she wanted to be encouraging or something (I forget) so she said sometimes when she is like that she "calls out the marching band"! That made me laugh because that it's so appropriate: it feels like a sudden burst of noise and commotion is marching through the room.
Hearing her say that she talked a lot in the recent session because she wanted to salvage the session, I now have a different perspective of it even if I still don't like it. Now there is a kindness and caring about it, and not a forcefulness or judging or demanding qualities to it.
Knowing this, if it were to happen again, it could help me stop and think about the session and if I'm holding back and that's why she's yappin'.
And there is my goal of being able to speak up in the moment in session, and not try to bury what I'm feeling even if I don't like what I'm feeling or if it scares me, etc. I want to be able to just say what I think and feel without judgement, so it can get out there for us to look at together, to think about together. (I love that phrase when I can tolerate the feeling of intimacy in the relationship: Thinking Together!
). If I can learn to do this, it could prevent the session from becoming something she feels she needs to salvage.
I think there is a lot more to talk about in this. Her need to salvage (versus her talking about what's happening in the moment herself) is one thing. I am sure it is related to my desire to be 'rescued' which I have attempted to evoke by being unresponsive (if she REALLY cares, she will pull out of me what I am thinking). :titanic:
Anyway, many paths to take.
How do I fight the mood when it's dropping?
I guess by noticing that it is and not letting that awereness add to my feeling of despair
(Oh,
Great!! my mood is dropping!! )
It's helped to tell myself that it's natural for me, for anyone, to have a mood that goes way up come back down (geez, as much as I think I'd like the high mood to stay, I think I'd drive myself crazy if it did!).
It can help if I try to pinpoint my hopelessness, which is often the cause of my low moods. If I can try to look at that and explore it to see if it really is hopeless or if I'm not able to figure out the steps I need to take, and so it seems overwhelming and hopeless.
So, those are what come to mind. I like your idea of sun-searching too. Is there an element of getting out of your routine, going outside or someplace - a change of scenery?
I also think that it was absolutely a bright idea to call for an appointment with your T, and I am
that you both had time open to make that appointment happen so quickly!!
((tree)) It's funny, but T and I have compared notes many times, but this time it seemed different. It felt like both of us mattered and I didn't reject her version of the session, something I've done often before. It wasn't me vs. T this time, it was a really nice time of looking at it together.
