(((eveshifter)))

I recommend doing what you can to keep yourself grounded. Different techniques work for different people (and different symptoms).

Personally, exercise and cleaning have always been my favorite ways of letting out my excessive energy. The anxiety always brought up a whole lot of energy in me. It just has to be let out to bring me some relief. When the physical isn't a real option, I try hard to write out my thoughts and emotions. Sometimes, just writing about the events can relieve a lot of stress ~ as long as you go in depth about your emotions, pre-conceptions (beliefs), etc. Seeing the beliefs written down, and challenging the likelihood of my expectations does bring relief. There are many other likelier (sp?) outcomes than our greatest fears, really. And that is what we need to look at and accept.

Why these memories have popped back into your head, I have no idea. My triggers have always been times when a tiny chip of memory was slamming against my memory door. Perhaps you overheard parts of an intimate discussion? Part of me was anxious to understand why I was scared (for no apparent reason) & a bigger part simply wanted the feelings to disappear. Thankfully, this last time, I wouldn't allow myself to continue repressing the memories. The honest feelings need to be dealt with.

Since you've minimized the rape, I assume that you haven't dealt with the core emotions running deeply inside of you. Fear and anger are two big emotions that are needing to be recognized inside of you. You deserve to have those emotions. You have not had it easy. Rape is a big deal. You don't deserve to suffer years of pain and panic ~ you have suffered enough. You need to deal with your memories though. That takes time & perserverance...You CAN do it though!

Very best wishes and gentle hugs to you, eveshifter.