This is the history behind whats going on now http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=181536

I have been turned down by 99% of all the trucking companies that I applied too because of my lack of experience or 1 minor incident I had involving only me myself and the tractor.

I now am severely depressed, been off my meds, can't restart my meds, have racing irrational thoughts about well S**C**D and a host of other screwed up things... It hit so fast, the phone starting ringing with denials and I started my very fast descent into hell. I currently live in this LITTLE *** Town in NW Pennsylvania, there is no work here, NONE. I'm trying to better myself but don't know how anymore. I'm 28 in 2 months and feel so overwhelmed. I have nothing to show for me, 28 years on this earth other than a mountain of debt and no life.

I don't know what to do. The friends I'm living with are very understanding of the pysch things as they're boy's are challenged daily by pysch disorders. I'm scared to open up and tell them, that I may need to be hospitalized.... It scares the hell out of me. I can't continue to be shut down like this. I now know how it feels, my ex boyfriend has been dealing with this for several years trying to get back into being a Flight Attendant. I always discounted the depression and hellish thoughts... Now I know first hand and it is very sobering. I'm scared. I need a hug. I'm at my breaking point.