i am always amazed at how much i identify with you...if you changed the word "father" to "mother" this could almost be my story too......and like yourself i have also learned not to hate her...i truly believe that her unkindness and viciousness was all that she knew..i often reflect back on her death.....she died alone and all that was "left" was a garbage bag filled with her belongings given to me by the funeral home director.....very sad......but from all this i learned to live differently and to love .......