i'm so sorry for you i have 2 cat's too although they live with my parents now. everytime i call home i have to ask how they are and i'm really scared that one day my mum will say one of them died. i've experienced many cat-losses in the past, mainly in my childhood and i know how it breaks your heart. once itr was my fault too, i was 12 and had my cat in a lead, she run away from me, we couldn't find her and the next day she was found dead. she was my favourite cat and i still cry when i think of her and the guilt i felt and still feel.

i send you my empathy
emma