Butterfly,

You are so right. I know that you get a lot of joy from your family these days, as I do. Our unhappy parents just didn't know how to do that IMHO.

Our great achievement is to see the sadness in those difficult parts of our lives, and to let go of the resentment that was directed at us.

Carrying resentment through life is like carrying a bag of poison which is leaking onto us, and those around us. It's no good for anyone.

I do have a PS to my story about my father. After he died I looked through his things, like the things that you were given in the bag from your mother. I found that he had kept some of my poems, ones that I didn't know he had. I had originally typed the poems, but I noticed that he had copied them again in his own handwriting, and put his copy in a folder next to mine. He had marked them (like a schoolteacher) 'good' and 'excellent'. Those were the words that I never heard him say to me, but he had written them down and hidden them away. I must admit that I cried when I saw what he had done.

All those years he had been attacking me, and secretly he had admired me in this way. What a tragedy. What a wasted opportunity.

Just imagine what it would be like, not being able to show your love? What a terrible place to be in.

I believe that if our parents had been able to show their love to us and admitted that they were in trouble, we would have rallied around them. But once that twisted pride gets in the way, the barriers go up and it's pain all the way after that.

It's never too late to open up your heart.

Good thoughts, M

PS - I feel better for writing that. Good old Psych Central!