Thank you for replying It's so good to come here and have people who understand.

Karebear - it is so frustrating to shut down. I've done it a lot as well though not so much with this t thankfully. I do have a strong desire/need to talk about this so hopefully I can. I will definitely post an update after my session!

Soupdragon - I do think that often the thought of going is worse than the actual deed. I'm glad you're starting to trust that it will always be okay - that's huge! My t is pretty good with knowing when to push me and when to back off as well.

Swimmergirl - thank you, I have written down kind of bullet points of how I've been feeling this week to remind myself before I go in (in case I suddenly go blank). If I'm really struggling maybe I will show her the list. Sometimes I feel like it's almost easier to say the words because once you've said them they're gone and on paper they're just there. Although I wrote down what I shared with her last week because I couldn't say it so I'll see. I could just snatch the paper back off her once she's read it I suppose!

Sannah - that's a good idea. I think I'll definitely be hiding in some way - or maybe I'll just close my eyes and pretend she's not even there! I feel shaky just thinking about it.

16 hours to go....