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It is very difficult for me to re-visit my feelings of 9/11. But I will try to explain. I apologize in advance to my international friends that have dealt with terrorism on this level for decades for being a pompous American.
The assault on the WTC was an unspeakable horror; but what got my attention and made my blood run cold was the assault on the Pentagon. This was an act of war from a foreign invader on the country I love. I am a sexual assault survivor but this felt even more personal than that. I have three sons; I feared for their future; surely World War III was breaking out and we are a military family.
I admire and envy those of you that can still see Osama as a human being and grieve the loss of life. I do not see him as a man, but evil incarnate. He has never showed even the minutest iota of remorse; in fact quite the opposite reveling in the destruction he has caused. I recently made the comparison to that scene in The Wizard of Oz when the citizens were celebrating the death of the Wicked Witch.
Bin Laden has been the boogie man haunting this country for many years. We did not give him enough credit before 9/11. I thought that I would feel some sort of sense of relief when he was finally caught; that the sun would shine and the world would somehow right itself again.
As I said before, had this happened on September 15, 2001 I would have been dancing in the street like a munchkin singing Ding Dong the Witch is dead. Right or wrong we made a statement at Pearl Harbor “Not on our soil!” Since it has taken 10 years (much longer if you take into consideration the previous terrorist acts) I worry about those he has trained and educated to take his place. I feel that by taking so long it has made America an open target and that we appear weak.
Without getting political, I am ashamed and embarrassed by some of the decisions we have made since 9/11. On September 10, 2001 I was a proud patriot; my heart was full of love and pride for my country and her ideals. Now I feel that we are like a child lashing randomly out in the dark trying to regain our balance. I am trying very hard to get back to that place because as long as I sit in shame Osama accomplished his goal. I also sit in fear. If he could shake my faith he could do it to anyone. I sit in fear because I raised my children to believe that we have been incredibly blessed to live in this country; her freedom comes at a price. On September 10, 2001 I wholeheartedly believed that price was in fact worth the most precious things I have in the world: the lives of my children.
On August 1, 2011 my youngest son will leave for boot camp. My views on this decision have greatly changed since 9/11 and events thereafter. I want something that is impossible, I want my life to be where it was 9/11/01; a time where right and wrong were clearly defined.
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I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children.
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