rainbow, you've probably seen T by now, but I hope it went well.

How interesting that you were able to be away from T for so long and not miss her like you missed your former Ts. I wonder whether you have internalized some aspects of T, or maybe that you feel secure in your attachment to her and know that she'll be there and feel just the same about you when you go back. It sounds like an important step forward. I'm so glad you enjoyed your time away- it's lovely when we can be in the moment

I think I understand a bit of what you're feeling. I tell my T I love her a lot a lot(!), and sometimes ask her if I should feel ashamed of that. I hope T helps you think this through...