Bethy,

I dont know what to say. Its just that I think that your safety is paramount . You say your T cried when you said you wouldnt tell him if you felt suicidal............... it seems to me that he feels the same. It sounds like he cares deeply and wants to make sure you are safe and alive. Thtas always got to be good. Its like he has your best interests at heart. And sometimes, when we are confused, hurt and so on, having a person in the background keeping your safety at the forefront is what makes the difference. I think you need to talk to your T and try to work this out together. It feels crucial to your relationship.