This is the last day of T's holiday. This evening's note from the calendar says:

"If you are feeling anxious about us reconnecting tomorrow, please think of the lovely story of the night when I stayed until late making your calendar with stories and memories and mindfulness and above all my love. I look forward to seeing you very soon. I feel a lot of love for you, T."

For the first time following a break, I don't feel anxious. Or ambivalent. Or like I was crazy to ever let myself love T. Through the calendar, T and her love have continued to exist and feel real and right. By T taking something of mine with her in her bag, I have felt certain that I continued to exist to her. The way we did it this time finally felt like enough.