I'm back, and it was a really good session! We just talked--no IFS, EMDR or walking, though it was a nice sunny day. She mentioned that "walking therapy" is becoming more popular, though.

She wasn't angry or upset with me at all. We started talking about the email situation and she is going to try writing the same thing each week. I'm not so happy with that solution, but she's not sure what to do either! She honestly said she doesn't have time to answer my emails in detail, and when she used to, she agonized over what to write and got upset herself. She also thinks it may never be enough for me even if she does answer.

We talked about my need for validation and how she thought I WAS able to tell myself that she always accepts my parts so it would be okay to love her. She was sorry that I felt bad after reading her emails. I think she said that feelings for her are better discussed in the session. The bottom line is that she thinks everything is better discussed in the session! She still says it's okay for me to email her, though. I just have to realize I won't get responses during the week.

We spent more time discussing love than the email issue. I was proud of myself for not shying away from the subject. She is perfectly fine with my expressing love to her, and we talked about my not doing that with my friends. She said she tells her close friends that she loves them, and wanted to know what it is about my doing it that bothers me. I wasn't sure.

I said I know she won't say it to me, and we talked about how "liking me very much" can be just as meaningful. I said maybe that's what I feel. I wondered what was transference and what was real, but she said it didn't matter. All through this conversation, I still didn't say those words to her, though. She kept asking what would make this feel more settled, and I kept hesitating. But at the end I said straight out "I love you." She said she felt flattered! She also said how much she appreciated my email about her eyes!

Everything is okay with my T, it seems. Except her answering my emails!
So, it was a good, connected session.