First of all I don't think there's anything to be ashamed of. You shouldn't be ashamed of being a virgin nor should you be ashamed of your sexuality. I think you're too quick in labeling yourself and finding women attractive doesn't necessarily make you gay. You could be bisexual and then again you might not be. Think of sexuality as a spectrum, you don't have to label yourself as one thing or the other and you could just fit into the gray area in between rather than look at it in black and white terms. I don't understand why you're afraid to be gay nor do I understand why you're so afraid to explore your sexuality. Sex is nothing to be ashamed about and the same goes for what arouses you.