First I'd like to say that I am so grateful to have found this forum. I've read a few post and some other stuff about anxiety symptoms that kinda helped me feel a teeny tiny bit better ...

My story goes like this I experienced anxiety when I was a young teen and it was terrible. I was sitting watching tv and all of a sudden I felt a feeling of fear hit me ... I sat next to my mom hoping it would go away, but it got worse. I said outloud, I'm dying. I just felt like I was going to die ... I was scared for a long time after that, but over time it subsided and seemed to go away completely.

Years later I had the same experience, but I attributed them to the fact that I was a drug addict (I a recovering addict with lots of time under my belt now) anyhow, I had a few bouts with anxiety over the years to follow, but nothing major until after the birth of one of my daughters ... she was only a few weeks old and I had gone outside to smoke a cigarette .. when I got this overwhelming feeling like I was going to die.

I came in the house crying and my boyfriend asked me what was wrong and I told him that I felt like the Lord was going to take me away from him and our new baby .. I felt like I was going to die .. of course he freaked out and was worried about me ... after a few days past I was fine ...

Then recently I had another attack - I was sitting in my living room (life had been extremely trying) I have twins that are just under two yrs old, a 3 yr old, 9 yr old and 4 teens - the kids were fighting the babies were crying and I felt like I was literally on the verge of going insane. I honestly thought that I was going to lose my mind. I fought with everything in me to keep it together and then all the feelings that I was going to die started hitting me really hard. It scared me so bad.

I have been having these thoughts off and on ever since. One minute I'm fine and the next I am filled with fear that I am going to die soon ...

Last night I was laying in bed when all of a sudden I was filled with the fear that I wouldn't be waking up today. Like I was going to die in my sleep.

I have lost a lot of loved ones over the past two years ... it feels like death is all around me *meaning lots of people I care about are dying* I hate death as it is. It is so ugly to me. I don't even like to talk about it.

I hate these feelings. I feel tormented .. tortured in my own head. I want it to stop.

Can anyone relate to what I'm saying? Have you had experiences like this? Is there something I can do to regain control over myself when this happens.

I used to be able to talk myself through them, but not lately ... they've been over powering.

(sigh)
I'm so glad to get all this out ... I've been really afraid to talk about it to much with even my family for fear they will think I am crazy.

Any input greatly appreciated

Thanks for listening
Sherry