(((((((((Audrey))))))))))

Wow. Hon, you are not a loser. You are a 20 year old girl stuck in a situation that most of us would find intolerable with just one of those issues. Your illness, plus your mother's illness, plus the stress of your financial situation and your fiance's financial situation, plus the strain put on by your father and brother (he really jerks off in the morning with you in there?? Yech!!!) - who have to be facing significant strain themselves = a nightmare.

First off, you deserve to go out and have fun without feeling guilty about it. It's not fair to you to be expected to be home all the time - your father and brother can take over every once in awhile.

Second, does your work know what's going on at your house? If not, I would suggest scheduling a meeting with your boss and filling him in so he/she is a little more sympathetic in understanding why some days you just can't make it. If they don't know, they can't help you.

Third, you need to have a serious talk with your brother about his, um, personal habits in the mornings. It certainly wasn't your choice to be in their and you shouldn't be forced to be around it.

Fourth, I would suggest family counseling for all of you. You are all under tremendous - and I mean tremendous - strain right now. No wonder tempers are running high. I know your mother may not be able to attend, but at the very least your father and brother and you need to find some way to work out a reasonable compromise to help you through all this. If your father and brother aren't willing to go, then you need to go yourself in order to get some peace in your head about what's going on.

Fifth - You said your mother is in the terminal stages of cancer - have you considered home hospice care? It'd make your mother feel better, and take a lot of the day to day 'taking care of Mom' tasks off the table.

Sixth - Your fiance. Honey, now is NOT the time to be thinking about a huge mental commitment like marriage. ESPECIALLY if you are doing this because your dad told your fiance to marry you. I can honestly think of no faster way to end up in divorce court in less than a year. On top of that, he doesn't sound very sensitive to your needs or wishes. Could this be why your father doesn't want him at your house?

Please, please keep us posted - hang in there, hon. I want to know how you're doing. And remember - you are not a loser! Stress can make the most self confident of us feel like the lowest person on earth when that's the furthest thing from the truth.

Take care and let me know how it's going.

Anna

some of it's magic
some of it's tragic
but i had a good life all the way......
~jimmy buffett