Hi Sushi, sorry you are having a hard time.

I guess part of the issue is the word 'cheating' - what do we mean by that? Is it just 'having sex with somebody I'm not married to'? Or does it mean 'having sex with somebody I'm not married to AND hiding it from my husband, lying to him, maybe leaving him if I get back together with my ex/find someone new... etc.'.

I think the best thing to do, and the first thing to do, as others have said, is talk to your husband and T about it all - and I'm glad you are doing that, hopefully it helps. But if your husband really isn't interested in sex, then it might be possible for you to say 'I love you, I love our marriage, and I want it to work - but I also need to have some sexual needs fulfilled'. It might be possible for your husband to let you search elsewhere for sex, as long as you reassure him that you are committed to your marriage and won't hide stuff from him.

I don't know, this is just my 2 cents, I haven't been in the situation myself, but it seems like a lot of what upsets people most about cheating isn't the sex but the lies and hiding a 'secret life'.

Of course, your husband might have more interest in sex than you realize, and just not know how to express himself! He might also be trying to be considerate of you, your faith, and your long period of celibacy, but be going about it all wrong/taking that consideration too far. So talking to him and your T will hopefully help with it all!