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Originally Posted by granite1
  i can tell you one thing that would make me feel safer with a stranger ...he isnt trying to make me deal with a lot of painfull thoughts and feelings.
i hope you didnt SI bad and dont worry about it i bet you T will be understanding about it.No idea what is going on other than work stuff?
ill be thinking about you tomorrow and i hope you will be able to go to T with an open heart and maybe get some support about what may be going on with the anger and SI |
(((Granite))) That makes so much sense!! Thank you TONS for saying this! Yep!!! I do see how I would fear time with T when it 'makes' me have to face that inner pain. UGGGG!
As it is, last night after I went to bed, I had a very bad flashback of another of the very deep trauma memories that I had hidden away. In fact, it is an event that "created" my 8yr old Alter "Little One" ... I actually was fighting to take in air and holding my breath as I was going through that pain of processing. That is where the anger comes from and the SI urges - from the event at work yesterday AM because the scene of the hallways and doors and small room and strange man were all the setting of that event. ugggg!!!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by googley
((((((((((((((((WePow))))))))))))))))
I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time right now. I hope that your work gets things sorted out. |
(((Googley))) Thank you oso much! I like doing the work most of the time. It is just the phone product that I hate. I am a computer nerd, not a telephone jockey. My boss keeps trying to tell me the telephone is just a computer but I beg to differ! You can't take a screenshot of your telephone screen or get valid info on why it is behaving like a jerk.
And people want phones fixed NOW as soon as they call - because they used to phones working. They hate it when the phone doesn't work. They understand when the computer crashes or the internet is down. But not the phone. I NEED to get another job, but all technology is going this same direction. I am a dino I think.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dizgirl2011
Hey Wepow,
*huge safe hugs*
When you talk about your therapist it always sounds like you have a very good relationship with them and I bet he he never thinks that you are wasting his time or that you cannot be helped...in fact probably the opposite.
Have you always disliked your job?
It sounds like you are very angry at the moment which can be hard to deal with.
What is it about this weeks session that makes you feel so unsafe? You don't have to say if you don't want to but maybe the reason you don't want to go is why you should.
Here for you |
((((DG)))) I likes work just fine for years. Just these changes are way too much into stuff I don't like at all. I am outdated as a techy. And the fact that I HATE change is making this daily work thing murderous for me!
I didn't have any sessions yet this week - which is why I need to see T today. But Granite nailed it - I don't feel safe because I have to face this deep terror from the trauma. It hurts like heck to go into sessions. It hurts to work through that type of agony. But I know I have to do it in order to heal. But it still hurts!
Quote:
Originally Posted by dizgirl2011
It sounds extremely painful for you at the moment, so much so that SU is a thought for you.
Can you call your T and explain that you really need to see him (even though I know part of you doesn't want to go) and that friday isn't possible? Is Thursdays still a possibility?
xxx
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Quote:
Originally Posted by geez
((((WePow)))) I have no words just |
(((((((Geez)))))))) thank you. Sometimes that is exactly what I need most!
Quote:
Originally Posted by ECHOES
((((WePow)))) Any chance you can get that Thursday session back?
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((((Echoes)))) I wrote T last night and he said it was no problem and he would see me today !!! YIPPIE !!!! I thought I let him down and wrote back and told him I hated to let him down - of course my soul could not contain the pain any longer so by that time I was a mess of tears. uggggg. He wrote me back and said I was NOT letting him down and he looked forward to seeing me today.
Quote:
Originally Posted by karebear1
((((((((((WePow))))))))))
Ya know WePow, for me it takes much more strength to let tears fall then it does to keep them in- just let them fall WePow- It'll be ok. Don't you think it would release some of that tension you're feeling and maybe make things a little more bearable if you did? I know you're feeling frustrated and lonely and overwhelmed, I can feel it in what you write, but you're not alone. You have T, even if you're not in his physical presence, he's still with you. You have written so many wonderful, loving things about him. You two have a very special relationship. And you have so many peoploe here that love you and care about you and want to see you happy and healthy. You have your SO who cares so much about you that she'll talk to you at 5am to make sure you're doing ok on your way to work.
WePow- It makes me sad to think that someone that has helped so many people here is struggling so badly right now. I feel kinda helpless and I know my words aren't poetic or motivational or necessarily helpful, but, they are from my heart. Please don't be sad. There really are lots and lots of people here that care about you. I hope you feel better really soon.
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((((((((((Karebear)))))))))) thank you very deeply. I did end up letting the tears fall - they forced their way out! It hurt badly to feel that flashback. But I lived through the soul pain. I still have some residual emotion from it, but not the agony that was last night. Thank you again!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by doodle3609
 I 2nd what Karebear said. I am so sorry you are feeling so down, and I wish I had words to make it better. Can you let T know what is going on so he can possibly fit you in somewhere?
Just know we are all here for you!! |
(((((Doodle))))) I am happy I get to see my T afterall today!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oceanwave
This is how YOU are feeling WePow, not how HE is feeling. His reality is probably very different. Please tell your T not to move your session. Can you express your feelings and your need in words, instead of SI-ing and suffering in silence. He asked you, he didn't just move it, so there's a good chance you can have your session if you just tell him that you need it right now.
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((((Oceanwave)))))) Thank you for helping me see that cognitive distortion of mind reading! You are right, that is my projection of feelings on him.
Well guys, I am off to work now. Thank you all so much again!