I have BPD as well......my pdoc gave me a diagnosis of tendencies, but my T put it as definite on her records because she feels like it is. I mean, after all, I have 7 of the 9 definable traits of it, so I obviously have it. I have a very stormy, intense emotional life and the diagnosis fits......
Although as T said after I had the diagnosis, i was still me.....this was just a guide to mental health professionals how to treat me and understand what was going on with my brain/mind/heart....
We don't discuss my BPD too often in session now, although it does come up from time to time, when T will say this is something that relates to the diagnosis you don't like to talk about! And one reason I no longer get hugs has to do with the BPD and me turning what could be an appropriate thing into an inappropriate thing by attaching undue importance and intensity to it.....
I am sorry too you found out that way; that seems like something that should have been, should be, discussed more thoroughly!