Well I went - after crying to a friend on the phone 15 minutes before I had to leave thinking I couldn't go. I told her pretty much everything I'd written down. It took a long time for me to say it all so she kept trying to understand and misinterpreting what I was trying to say but we got there in the end. I think I was hoping she would have some magic words to make it easier but of course she didn't. Feel a bit horrible but the world is still turning, the birds are still singing and the sky has not yet caved in so I'm not any worse off than I was before I left. Maybe she'll have some magic words for me next week after having some time to think about it Thank you all for your support and for coming with me - it really helped.