I feel so messed up right now. I just want to stay in bed all day and cry but I can't even do that. I won't let myself cry. I just don't know what I'm doing anymore. I'm doing things I told myself I'd never do. I just ate a load of food pizza and stuff and now I want to throw it all back up. I feel so sick and discusting. My stomach is hurting so much now. Most days I don't eat a lot.. It's just sometimes I can't help but go and buy lots of food even though I'm not hungry.
I just want to go and self harm again even though I already did last night. I'm doing it more frequently. I know it's wrong but I don't want to stop. It's like I want to be messed up.. I'm getting myself into all this.. burying myself deeper and I don't know why. Why am I doing this to myself? Why am I letting myself get so ****ed up?