in talking with friend more this morning it seems that what is so troubling is the layers of mistrust/distrust (way too tired to go use dictionary at this hour) from so many sources at work.

when invalidated most of one's life one tends not to trust their own instincts and more readily believe another's version of events...often to distasterous ends.

when something strange like this occurred it brought about self doubts and was scary when there wasn't an easy answer for what or who sent this schlocky book.

having to track down one's steps and moves in order to rule one's self out of the running for bizarre things is something that is done in order to maintain some sense of sanity. for if we're engaged in some aspect of ordering, talking to someone who would send such an item, or whathaveyou then we need to figure out when that is happening, how that is happening and how to work on having that not happen again.

medications and therapy have helped us to get to a place where we're able to work with professionals when we do need a reality check and some validation that we're not nutty and that strange things are afoot. we're also grateful for mostly intact archives hither and yon as our data losses over the years both literally and figuratively have been significant. to be able to see what was written when and whether or not things were spelled correctly or phoenetically helps place things in some kind of order.........and with dissociation life can feel out of order a lot of the time.

more ramblings on mysteries of what, who, when, where and why and how they all apply to dissociation, karma and other topic in this morning's yakfest with houseguest (dear friend from long ago who cared enough to lose the friendship to save a life)

zzzzzzzzesque