I am wondering if anyone can offer advice on how to deal with a recurring theme in my relationship? Whenever my boyfriend and I have a "breakthrough", e.g. meeting the parents, deciding to change jobs in order to prioritize personal lives, discussing marriage, or even discussing retirement aspirations, a backslide follows. Within two weeks of the "breakthrough", he tells me that he feels like he cannot satisfy me sexually.

Without delving into too many untoward details, I will say that due to our hectic schedules, we spend a lot of quality lunch time together, and I am not always at my most sexually responsive best, as I am worrying about returning to work on time, or I'm still mad about something that happened earlier that morning... and I'm female. Females just require a little sweet talking and a lot of foreplay sometimes (or at least this female does - sex is largely mental and emotional for me). I am very excited by him, and I enjoy sex with him, but I think he wants a porn-level response that I'm not capable of, and I refuse to fake it. I have been hoping that he'd gotten past this cycle of behavior, but it is popping up again before we are supposed to travel to meet my ailing father.

Is there some way I can step up to the plate here in order to "build his confidence" without perpatrating a flat out fraud with him? I have told him I desire him to the point of complete distraction, but that I also desire him under less pressure. I told him that his comments and observations about my lack of response make me feel as if he does not trust me and does not look for any other signs of my love and devotion. I guess I just need an idea, because the drawn out conversations aren't working, and neither are the raunchy lunch dates and suggestive invitations to naughtiness.

I'm just perplexed...