Rainbow you are not messed up. I think the more you idealize your T as "that perfect person" or the stronger transference is playing into it, the more normal it is to be jealous. With me when I first started going to therapy, I thought my T was this perfect guy, had all the answers, etc. I thought he was one in a million. As I have continued I have realized that he is not perfect, he makes mistakes, and he gets on my nerves sometimes. At first I was a little jealous of his family but now I am not. I am happy he has a family as that makes him more able to withstand my rants and emotional outbursts. However, I am very sad in the respect that I know someday all of this will end and I will never see him again. That makes me wish I could know him outside of therapy, but really what I want is access to him long term as a therapist. I would like to see how he is outside of therapy, he does not self-disclose at all which makes it very tough for me. I think I would be less inclined to be jealous if I saw him in a real life setting. Sometimes I wish we could be friends but then he would not be my T and I would not trade that for anything at all.