Hey

Great to read everyones answers.

Rainbow, I am much like you, maybe it is a BPD thing that heightens our feelings.

My T is married with two very young kids. She doesnt do self discloser so I know very little about her and she certainly never talks about her family or friends. I do see her for therapy at her home in a room specifically for her therapy clients but appart from the odd toy I have seen (which is rare) there is no signs of the people she lives with, which is probably a good thing for me.
I find it hardest when I think of what my therapist is like as a mum because I imagine her to be everything I want and that makes me feel jealous of her kids who have that. Not jealous in a hateful way but just a sad way. I think it's hardest during breaks in therapy when I imagine what types of activities she might be doing with her family or on special holidays like christmas or easter etc.

I don't think I have ever wanted to be her friend though, although it must be nice to have that type of relationship with her, where she has chosen you to be in her life rather than me paying her to be there for me.

I do try to remind myself that without these people my therapist would not be the person she is and that im sure she has faults too, even as a mother as no one is perfect, but I cannot deny it is hard for me at times.

xxx