even your friends and family. I was doing so well for about a month after I got my job. I was actually working like a responsible adult, and getting happier everyday. Then right before New Years my best friend sends me some hate mail about how everything is about poor me lately. (oh, please, all I ever hear about is this guy and their fights) I plummented back down, but after a few days we were able to talk out the problem.....well, part of it. I was happy again. THEN, Friday the 13th, I was rushing to her house (one of the things we talked about was that I'm inconsiderate because I'm always late, and don't call..........well, I don't have a cell phone, and live farther away now.........you'd think your friend would give you a break?) Anyway, the accident was pretty much my fault, and I didn't have any insurance, oh, and guess what else?? I work with the girl I hit's mother. What wonderful luck. K, well, the day after the accident. I was in pieces, my friend OFFERED to come over, except she was already at her our other friend's (the guy)house who lives about an hour away. I wasn't going to ask her to drive all the way back, and she knew it. In the mean time, my only other friend was too busy to help me get my car towed.........guess what he was doing? Messing with a video game. I felt like crap. At least my brother came out to help except it was like pulling teeth, but at least HE DID HELP. So, after that terrible weekend, I sign on to check my email, and oh goody, what do I find? ANOTHER piece of hate mail from my other friend (the guy) whom my best friend and he had an intimate inappropriate history with. All of the sudden they've turned on me because I was talking with him through email (looooooong story) Our emails were completely harmless, we talked about pizza, and.......oh, boy, I can't even remember it was so unimportant. I guess my friend had THOUGHT she had made it clear she did not want me talking to him, yet she had never actually said the words. She said I should have known better. Well, geez, if I actually knew I was doing something wrong............and the thing is, she told us both previously that she didn't care if we emailed each other......after all, we were friends too. They confused the heck out of me, and then both turn it all around to make me look like I seduced him or something. First of all, he is the one who gave me some stupid magnet with his email address on it, and even later admitted his intentions for doing so. My friend says that I should never have acted on it. Like I knew at the time what he was doing. Stupid me just thought, hey, here's a chance for us to become better friends so I don't have to feel like such a 3rd wheel all the time. The first time I emailed him was for financial advice. In his first response, he was ecstatic that I "took the bait" (as I see it now.) At that point, I didn't even have the slightest clue that he had a crush on me. (gosh, am I a freakin' idiot) Anyway, according to both of them now, I am the one who should take the blame for eveyone's pain and jealousy because I "initiated" the emails. Boy, do I hate that word now. Instead of taking this last blow though, I fought back. I told him that I will NEVER email him again, in fact it's probably best if we aren't friends anymore. And I said I refuse to be the scapegoat for yours and her problems. But, I guess I'm not allowed to stand up for myself. I am to remain the doormat. I got 2 more hate mails from both him and her. And the funniest thing was that my supposed best friend had put him up to writing me his first hate mail. In hers, she's telling me things like she has to be careful about what future boyfriends (he never even was her boyfriend, and I have plenty to say about all that, and how mad it makes me he's strung her along for so long) she brings around me. I am so hurt that my best friend of 15 years defends this guy to the bone, and has him turn on me, and say such mean things to me. She apparently values her "friendship" with him more than her friendship with me. And him, what a little baby. He can't even take responsiblity for his own immature, game playing actions. Anyway, I can see now that she wants him to herself. Why did she offer up his friendship to me? Was it only under certain conditions? How was I to know? Seriously, I didn't know. I've already blown off some steam at them, and by now,, I've apologized for being mean, and have admitted my faults, and apologized for them. Yet, I still can't be forgiven especially in the midst of the other things I'm facing. Where are your friends when you need them the most? What is this? Is it like killing off the weakest in the herd? I just don't get it. Maybe, I really don't have any true friends, and that's what hurts the most. I'm sorry this is so long, I truly have no one else to talk to. Thanks for listening.