Lostone,

Gosh, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this too

Yes I get physical symptoms, hard time breathing, feeling like I'm choking or can't swallow, papatations, light-headedness, feel like I am in a fog, feeling detached, distant *Like I'm on the outside looking in* I get filled with fear and go into panick attack mode. I attribute every lil ache or pain to some kind of illness and I get afraid that I am going to die from it. I had a headache the other day and it was an odd kind of one - It hurt in my temples and eyes and I started thinking that maybe I was going to have a anurisim (sp?) I get such a sick feeling when these attacks hit me ... I just feel doom and gloom ... like at any minute I will just drop dead or faint or something ... it is sheer torture. I mean it got so bad recently I felt like I was a prisoner in my own head. I just kept getting waves of panick attacks ... I'd be fine ... then all of a sudden a wave of sick feelings would hit me and I would be thinking I was dying ... I struggled within my own head to hold on to my sanity ... I tried to quitely talk to myself and walk myself through it ... then I found myself questioning my sanity for talking to myself. I felt like there was an arguement going on in my mind ... part of me was saying You're okay ... this will pass ... your just panicking and then I would start thinking What if I'm not okay ... what if I really am going to die and then all the fear flooded in and it was terrible -- I walked around for like 5 days feeling like I was going to die. While shopping I feel so tired and exhausted that I thought that I was just going to drop dead right there in the store.

I have to say this has me feeling like I'm losing my mind. I am determined to beat this thing ... I refuse to let it drive me to the depths of despair ... I have lived through so much already to let this thing tear me apart. I haven't talked with others that feel the same way I do up until now and I am grateful to be able to do so.

At least now I don't feel like I'm hiding a dirty lil secret which has taken some of the power away from the grip that all this had on me just no more than two days ago.

Sherry