I think it may be a good idea to look into therapy if you don't already. It would be good to look at the feelings and thoughts that could be possible cause for your sadness. Doing this with a therapist in a safe setting. Medications may also help if you are not currently on.
If you are having thoughts you want to die, I encourage you to get professional help.
I had been feeling suicidal and finally decided to see someone, I can tell you that it felt like a huge weight was lifted off me. I feel more at ease now.

I wish you all the best, let us know how things go. Keep us up to date.
It was good of you to come hear to reach out.
*Hugs*