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Old May 06, 2011, 10:19 PM
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Open Eyes Open Eyes is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,288
Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleForgetMeNot View Post
She is my age and having a rough situation at home. Witnessing domestic abuse, coming close to getting hit herself, and having her brother constantly in and out of jail, etc I feel like I should do something. I'm not good at empathizing, well I mean I am cause I've been in situations similar but when she tells me these things I can only sit in silence. I listen, but I just don't know what to say.

Her family is taking care of it, and I tell my Dad about it (he had lived in the same situation but with worse experiences). I tell him because I trust him, I tell him because he went through that and knows at least what he wanted from his friends while it was happening to him. He tells me to be nice to her which I am, tells me to see her often, and offer her things.. Not to imply that she cannot get these things by herself but just to say that I'm here and willing if you need anything. My Dad has offered to pay for amusement park passes for her (which are expensive) and I myself have taken her out skating through the winter, visited her house for sleep overs and on the occasional holiday, and this summer I plan on taking her up north to a lake-side cottage that my grandmother owns to spend a week or even just a weekend in the country without a worry or care in the world.

Right now it's like "I can't say anything to fix it but you can trust me with your secrets, and I'll try my best to take you away for at least for a few hours, give you good memories so you won't ever have to be entirely sad". While my Dad encourages the good memories I wonder if just that is enough. What if it's better if I am one of those friends who knows what to say and how to say it.. who gives support and hope? Is just parks and rides, lunches, movies, sleep overs and holidays enough? They are enough for me; was the perfect medicine when I was in the abusive situations as a child.. but everyone is different, aren't they, and need different support?
You are being a wonderful friend. You are giving something very important, your time, your care, your concern, your being there to listen.
You can't solve her problems but you are doing great at helping her by listening and caring, she knows that. And even better you are telling her that there are good people in the world, not all are bad. She will live off of that for many years to come. And you are also showing her how to help another so someday she will know how to help others.

YOU ARE DOING GREAT!
Thanks for this!
LittleForgetMeNot