right there with ya. Im so sorry you are hurting. We live a life of contradicting thoughts and its such a struggle. I don't know if you see a T, but i would suggest positive affirmation cards. I made some and my T made me some. I posted them around my house. I don't always look at them, but its a nice reminder to try not to be so hard on yourself. You can succeed. You really can. We expect perfection and put unrealistic goals on ourselves. We set ourselves up to fail and when we do, we punish ourselves for failing. I hope you can learn to love yourself. You deserve to be happy and I know you are capable of beating this thing. Just keep walking through and when you have a less than perfect day, tell yourself that you survived the day with whatever means you felt was necessary. That is commendable. It's okay to have a bad day. It's okay to have 100 bad days, as long as you keep on going. wishing you the best. sincerely.