How to greet a soldier coming home ...

Just say "hello" ...

Don't go on with that thanks for your service crap. Especially don't get all teary eyed and look right into their eyes and say things like, "Thank you for your service." Wow ... you talk about triggers!

It's all contrary to common sense, but the ptsd causes me to react emotionally when I hear something like that. One professional T said something like that to me and i just started sobbing. I almost have tears as I just type this.

It seems to be ok to say, "Thanks for your service" if you just say it and move the conversation to something else because I don't even know how to reply.

And don't ask questions of any kind about the service. I mean zero.

And if I start to tell you a story about something that happened, let me tell it without interruption because you can't imagine the courage it takes to get that story going. It won't be gruesome but probably humorous. Just laugh along at the end. Do not ask questions about it or ask for more. Just because i got one story out it doesn't mean i want to tell more.

If you want to buy me a beer or take me to dinner ...

Just do it. Don't even say it's in appreciation for my service because if you say that, it ain't gonna happen. Don't explain why you're doing it, just pick up the tab. I'll know what you're doing, and I won't have to trigger up a response because i don't know how to respond and it will make me way nervous knowing that I haven't responded appropriately.

You don't really want to know

You dont really want to know from your warrior about the symptoms of ptsd or about their experiences. If i tell you either of these, or about the way it all affects me now, it will fracture our relationship. 100% of the people who I've told any of this are now on the outside (or I'm on the outside). It's like you know too much. I lifted the curtain and you saw what is back there. And to compensate for that, I start to withdraw. i probably won't tell you that's what's going on, but I won't reply to messages or I'll start delaying until you get the idea. I'll arrange NOT to be where you're going to be. I'll avoid conversations other tahn official business or a kind hello. you'lll still see the smile on my face but there will be no glint in my eyes. Eventually, we won't even be communicating. ... so you really don't want to know.

No criticism intended ... just trying to anser that list of questions