Quote:
Originally Posted by Troy
How can we give him a voice where we can treat him with respect and help him really come home in every way?
Sorry to say, Open Eyes, but I don't think we'll be coming home in every way. I've buried myself in work for years. Stress was my friend. When all of it started to relax, the ptsd symptoms became more pronounced. They've offered therapy, but it seems too scary to me. I'm not into that yet.
Happiness - still searching
Relationships - appear to be real, but are distant
Relaxation - don't know how
Hyper vigilant - always
Trusting - no one
Alone - preferred
Suicidal - frequent thoughts
Helpful - always
Generous - overboard
anxious - always
Guns - keep 'em with me
Sleep - short period only
Facade - long term, but maybe wearing thin
I left part of myself on the battlefield. Each gun fight took away part of my being. Each warrior wounded or killed changed me in some way. Doc says it is a physical change and that I can learn to compensate for it but that it won't be "cured."
My physical wounds won't be going away either, but I've learned to compensate for the changes.
People see me as a model of what a wounded warrior would hope to be -- but if they only knew.
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Thank you for sharing Troy and telling me some of the things that make it feel very difficult for you to feel that you have come home.
I am glad that you have shared and I can only hope that somehow you put what you have said here in an anyomus article, as much as you can so that others know how you feel.
What you have done for me is help me understand the depths of your pain and it has given me a way to relate to you.
I understand a lot of it as I am a victim of PTSD too and I have experienced things in my past that have been bad too. I can relate to that curtain and hiding behind it, even fearing to share what is back there. I can also relate to the feeling that part of you got left in that place where you felt pain, me too. I can also relate to if another person knew, well, they would walk away and somehow you would feel that you are not worthy or your past is so bad that others can't possibly relate to you or have an answer for you so they avoid you, me too.
I am glad that you shared this Troy. I hope that you can see that even though I have not seen what is behind your curtain, I know enough about that curtain to say, you are not really alone, even though it feels that way sometimes.
I think that sometimes we have to realize that there is a time for sharing and a time to leave the curtain in place because, yes others will not understand. I am trying to understand and ACCEPT THAT, myself.
THANK YOU FOR SHARING
THIS IS ONE PLACE YOU CAN SHARE
AND, OTHERS WILL SOMEHOW UNDERSTAND BECAUSE THEY FEEL THE
PAIN AND LOSS AND CONFUSION TOO.
Open Eyes
