As much as I prefer to think of myself as " all better " from this part of my existence, sometimes something catches me off guard and sends me reeling.

Last night after having a fantastic day with my husband, we were watching a movie on TV - curled up on the couch together - lovely. The movie had scenes that, I don't want to say what was being done, but it was a crime movie trying to solve a rape/murder....and the scenes because of their graphic depiction and the use of certain objects - all I kept thinking was how my ex would have loved that....and then for the rest of the night flashes and flashes and flashes.

We went out later to go shopping and then i think i'm going to run into him...maybe he might grab me if I'm not glued to my husband's side...in the car my brain just starts replaying all the memories I thought i'd locked away....and i wish i could pull my brain out of my head.

usually i keep myself away from movies that i think will be bad for me - this kind of took me by surprise - and once we started watching, the rapist looked like my ex - kept me wanting to see him get put to death...if that makes sense.