My self esteem is killing me lately a lot. I just spent the whole evening binging and purging because I was "so fat". I barely ever binge and purge anymore. Once every couple months.

But then afterwards I read this thread about how the general consensus in the public eye is that virgins are ugly/fat and nobody wants them. I know the person was just trying to get to their core issues, so I wasn't offended by the person, just the comment in general. And then I just broke down and started crying. And now all I want to do is tell myself how disgusting I am.

I am a virgin. (well, in the voluntary sex way). Does that really mean I'm ugly? Undesirable? I always say it's "my choice". That I'm afraid to get close to men, because of my past. But maybe I really am undesirable. Maybe I really am disgusting. Maybe nobody wants me because I'm not worth anything.

I'm normally not this pitiful. I hate being like this, because I think it makes me weak. It's just a sensitive area, at a sensitive time.