I can really relate to your experience. I can' t stand the color gray, probably because I was raped in a basement with gray walls. Makes me feel totally panicky. So do rooms without windows and rooms with only men in them. All just like when I was attacked. I have a lot of associations like that and they make me very uncomfortable even today. Being aware of them, admitting to them, are all important to me. One thing that really helped me was to draw pictures of what I was afraid of, and then run my hands all over the pictures. Made it feel less scary if I could touch it that way.

Be well.

mtd