I sure can. Last year was a terrible year for me as I was rapid cycling (I'm bp1) as well as breaking my addiction to speed (let's just say that I should never have taken Adderall, EVER). My friends didn't know about my addiction, as I was intensely ashamed about it, and I was severely depressed and manic as I withdrew off of it. Dealing with people was so hard back then - I couldn't get myself out of the house, let alone go see people and have fun with them....it became so much easier just to push them away and disappear. And once that happened, I was afraid to contact them (my best friends who were very concerned about me) because I thought they would be so angry at me....but I felt trapped because I didn't want to explain my behavior to them (although every last one of them has been depressed and hurting before). Only in November did things come to a head and a good blowup on all sides got the truth out. But those 10 months were awful - I thought I had lost all the best friends I had and that I would never be good enough to have any more.

I admire your insight and your courage in getting better. Things will become more positive as your treatment continues and you'll find your friend making skills are more than back - fear not.

Keep us posted on how you're doing! ((((((((cdngrl)))))))))) Hang in there. It hurts now, but you're doing the right thing and trying to get better. I have no doubt you'll succeed admirably.

Anna

some of it's magic
some of it's tragic
but i had a good life all the way......
~jimmy buffett