I understand.. It's just I'm completely breaking down constantly. I'm always canceling my therapy sessions and only getting 3 hours sleep everyday so I end up feeling ill. The health issues I may have are from me not eating properly, not eating enough or not taking my vitamins. Every time something new pops up that I'm scared about I'm reminded that it's my fault cause I don't take care of myself. Way more often than not I'm informed that if I don't change I'm going to die and it seems like they wash their hands of it.

Of course I'm old enough to feed myself, and understand what is healthy and what is not, and that people who are there to help me I should see but there is a caring/motivational factor here that is ignored.. so it always comes down to if you're sick, it's your fault cause you didn't drink orange juice. If you're sad it's your fault for letting yourself think about things that make you sad. If you die one day from malnutrition because depression made you have no appetite, well that's your fault for not eating anyway. If you don't care that's your fault because you have to force yourself to and if you still don't care then that makes you a horrible person because people have it worse and you're abusing a good situation.

No matter what it is, whether I put it on myself or life put it on me it seems to get twisted in a way that makes it clear that it's my fault.