Thanks so much for your advice. One of my best friends told me last night he is a loser and that I need to get rid of him. Earlier in the week she said maybe you should just see each other less since you are constantly on top of each other and I thought that was a good idea so I was thinking that route. I'm going to Lake Tahoe this week with my son so thought that would be a good break. My counselor said I need to make the decision, but I wasn't ready to make the decision to break up. I'm such a woos when it comes to the relationship stuff and I'm truly afraid to make the decision. As much as he is a pain in the ***, he has been there for me through some tough transitions with my bipolar and my ex-husband.

So yesterday went pretty well and he actually paid for lunch for the entire group. That was very nice and made me feel better. I did invite him for dinner and usually he is the one that cooks. I bought everything thinking he would help out in this aspect and he loves to cook but no, I ended up making my entire dinner and cleaning up most of the kitchen. I was determined not to get upset or worked up about it because it was my day, but I was hurt.

We took my son home and then after we dropped him off there was pretty much dead silence on the way home. He again made no suggestions of anything we could do so I decided I would go to my room and read while he watched tv. He came in twice to check on me which was nice. The second time he tried to climb on top of me but my legs were crossed and it hurt. I said ow and he jumped off me and was super pissed. I told him what had happened but he didn't say anything. I said why don't you just go back and watch your tv then and he said I will. I snapped. I left the apartment in my robe and went downstairs and cried my eyes out. When I was done I came back up and got dressed and then took a walk. I came back and he said he was worried and came looking for me and asked what was going on.

I explained about the climbing on me and that I was hurt when I was just being honest with him. That I wanted to do that and I was happy that he was initiating sex. Lately I have to keep telling him point blank that I want sex. He is not initiating at all. We did have sex Friday but he was obviously angry with me and it was basically angry sex and then it was done and back to the usual bs.

We got into the whole mother's day thing which by the way he never once said happy mother's day to me. I love you. You're a good mom or anything. I do so much for his daughter a little recognition would have been nice. It was turned back on me that I am not his mother so why should he do anything for me. I said well I guess we are different because I would do nice things for you on Father's Day. He also said that I basically sabotaged him with the whole planning thing and not mentioning it to him.

He laid into me about being *****y and a drama queen the past two weeks and extremely moody which I don't disagree with. I did talk to him about my feelings and that didn't work so yes, I was *****y and went in sarcastic mode because I truly didn't know what else to do. It wasn't very loving or adult of me but the loving way didn't work I felt trapped and didn't know what else to do.

We had a long discussion and the topic of breaking up came up but I couldn't do it. I tried to put it back on him and he wouldn't do it either, but kept bringing up the fact he's been in relationships where there was too much drama and he got out of them and if that's the way this was going to be he couldn't do it. I don't know why I'm so scared to do it but I could put the nail in the coffin just yet. I talked about relationships and working together through the tough times etc. I said if you feel I'm so drama based then what will you do if my bipolar acts up. He says of course I would be there for you. He can't seem to handle a little non-BP drama so I really, really, really don't see how he will support me with a BP episode. So things are just up in the air. I will talk to my counselor tomorrow and go from there where that may be. I leave for Tahoe tomorrow and will have some good R&R and get away from this BS.

By the way, he doesn't see that he's used me in any way or forced me to do anything I haven't wanted to do. I may be crazy but all the driving and groceries, etc. seems like that's what it's all about. I don't want to accept or believe he would use me in that way. I thought he loved me, but as things are not coming up roses and I'm talking about sensitive things the tables have sure turned on me and I'm sensitive, full of drama, etc.

Thanks for your input and advice on this stuff. I'd love more feedback on this part of the post.