Hi,
I can so relate to what you're saying!
I just recently got here and in my introduction I said I'm doing fairly good these days but afraid it soon will end. One of the reasons being that I don't know how long I can keep up doing the things that "make me better". Just like you I know all the things I need to do to make me feel better but not always I find the strength to do them. Eating right, exercising, meditating, running small errands, these things can seem insurmountable at times. And yet they do make me feel better... It's not you, it's not me. It's the darkness that exists within. All I can say is try to do one small things at a time. Don't try to do it all in one go or it will seem too much to bear. Don't add that extra weight on your shoulders. Just do one bit. Take a baby step. It takes time and patience and we do break down completely at times, I know I do... Do remember this was not your choice! Even if you can rationalize it to the point it seems to be. It is not! If all you can do today is drink an orange juice, do that. If it's catching some sun light for a few minutes do that, or take your vitamins. Just do one thing. And you'll have small victory. Celebrate it, you deserve it.

Hugs,

Addie