Hey Binkle,

This old T of yours crossed all sorts of boundaries with you emotionally and you are still paying for his imcompetence. It doesn't matter that he was younger and you are older..............you were vulnerable and it sounds to me like he exploited that. Especially if he told you to dress not and when you didn't, you looked like a bag lady? Absolutely ridiculous! A T is not supposed to comment on your appearance at all, unless I guess if you smell bad or something. That is part of the unconditional positive regard.
If your new T doesn't want to discuss it, get another one. I know that sounds harsh but it is obvious to me that you are still in deep, deep pain over this and your current T needs to address that or you will not get out of therapy what you need. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. IT IS HIS. I hope you can get the healing that you need. Big, big hugs. ((((((((((((((((binkle))))))))))))))))))))))))) I've been there but thank goodness my T handled it the right way.