i['ve been open to the possibility of online stuff. I have actually been a part of an online dating thing but that has been absolutely worse than zero in terms of possibilities. I am really not into "looking for a relationship in groups of others looking for a relationship" thing i just never feel any interest or "sparks" there.

More promising though are some of the personal online sites i am a member of... sites based around people's interests rather than around people "dating". to me this is a natural place to find a "soul mate" with similar passions. on several of the boards i was on i have made friends there that did end up in relationships and even married. but nothing ever materialized for me. even in similar things in the "real world" with meeting people of similar interests. friends but never anythng more.

and adding to what i said in my other post, those friendships i've made, many of which i thought were really close, caring friendships, have turned out not to be so as evidenced by the lack of any effort that anyone is willing or able to put in now in my time of need. i want to reiterate that i don't think any of these are bad people, just that they see me as more of a casual friend and no one has really bonded closer than that for me even though i had thought that was the case.

so if i can't even attract friends closely bonded enough to expend some effort during difficult times, how could i ever attract a potential mate? to be sure even the friend i described in my first post, the one who i thought was my soul mate, isn't as closely bonded in friendship as i originally believed. he cares deeply about me and understands my situation, but doesn't have much time for action due to his own personal problems and career. but i have discovered that he has a lot more contact with other friends than he has with me, so the "lack of time" isn't the whole story, part of it is that the time that he does have it is more important to him to spend with other friends than with me. this was the case before i became ill so it has little if anything to do with being uncomfortable and in any case he is very open and honest with me (part of what attracted me to him) and i know he understands this illness and doesn't have much difficulty dealing with it or with me. Just not a priority for him.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
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