vonapathy,
I'm glad you posted this. I'm so sorry you had to go through that time of battling severe depression without health insurance, where you felt like you didn't have access to treatment. It makes me a little angry at the world that people can be denied treatment for something as serious as what you were going through... and yet I know that it happens all the time. I'm glad to hear that you have insurance again, and it sounds wise that you are considering going back to the doctor.

I think cutebagaddict made a good suggestion regarding couples therapy. If you are worried about how being honest about your depression will affect your relationship, that sounds like an issue worth exploring. Maybe, through talking about your hopes and fears as a couple, with a therapist, you can come through this time with your relationship in even a stronger place than before.

I can relate to your struggle to accept that depression is something you might be battling for a while... that has been a hard one for me too. I had an old therapist who used to say to me that "hating the depression doesn't help." I think what he meant is that spending my energy trying to pretend that reality is different than what it is, or getting caught up in the "why me?" unfairness of it all keeps me from being able to use my energy to take care of myself and to make the kind of choices that will help me to get through it. I'm not 100% there... I hate it sometimes, and am in more of a place of acceptance sometimes... but I do find the thought to be helpful.

take care, and keep posting.

garden gal