Thank you so much to everyone, your answers are so lovely and it's just so good to feel understood and not told Im wrong, which I felt my T did today, even though I feel I have done my best and when i made mistakes I apologised and took responsibility.

I couldn't respond to everyones messages until now as I couldn't stop crying and as I still live with my parents I didn't want to be caught crying and have to explain, as they wouldn't understand. Everytime I redid my make up and tried to stop crying the tears just kept flowing down my face. Crying felt extremely painful. I had to force myself to go to sleep in order to stop crying.

I agree with people's suggestions of writing things down, I have done it a bit so far but may wait until later when everyone goes to bed to look at it more as I feel more able to cry then.

I really hate the mixed messages. Last week I left my session feeling really good for the first time in ages, I felt supported and like I was doing well and that she wasn't going to abandon me; today was the exact opposite and it was so hard to stand up for myself and not cry. Then the session was over in what felt like 5 minutes. She also commented on how 50 minutes should be enough to deal with issues - i dont know how the heck she works that out.

I was close to texting when i was in the agony of crying my heart out but i stopped myself as I didnt want to say something i regret and give her more amuition to use against me

Thank you to all my dear friends, you are all so special