Welcome! Being the med guinea pig can really be tough. One thing to consider is to look at other coping strategies to help. So maybe meds can get you part of the way and other strategies such as symptom recognition, symptom management, etc can get you even closer to your goal of managing this. Accepting that a certain amount of ebb and flow of the ups and downs will happen regardless of the meds can be of great help. One of my newest strategies is I started using oil pastels this year