Myzen, thank you for your thoughts! They're very interesting and thoughtful.

While in therapy, realizing I had much to change about myself and having to listen to the T tell me that I had acquired many unhealthy coping mechanisms, I'd get very angry at anything that remotely sounded like a critizism.

At the same time that I was replaying old tapes out of most of my earlier years, it became exceedingly necessary that I try to be objective if I was going to better handle my own life. One thing I learned to do was "Consider the source..." before I got defensive and angry.

I've gotten pretty good at this. When I receive what someone would call "constructive criticism," I put away whatever feelings I'm having and as soon as I feel able, I look at the criticism and see if there's any truth to it. There are times when I've found it loaded with truth and that's when I start to let it in by changing that aspect of what could be true for me.

When I find that the criticism is mostly just that, a criticism, I discard it and accept the fact that the giver of hurtful words was telling me about THEM and how THEY perceive things. Their comments were not about ME. That's when I "... then forget it."

And yes, you bet there's a time and a place to give that constructive critisism. It's NOT when the other person is hurting too badly to be receptive.