I was not sure if this needs a tigger icon, no details, but I was surprised how writing this was triggering for me and maybe could be for others reading my story.

A few weeks ago in T, I found my personal power.
Thanks to the therapist sharing/noticing that I as 3-4 year old knew (had the power of knowledge)
that what I experienced was wrong! (Not my fault )

I knew the power of love of my grandma and trusted her to protect me.

I knew the power of will when I told her my story. Even when told not to!

As most things in the 60's this was never mentioned again, not even to me or my parents, and even though the problem was 'taken care of' it left me feeling invisable and not trusting of my own senses or of others.

My awakening to my wholeness started when friends took care of me after cancer surgery.(just a fling with cancer)
My world shifted as I felt true love and caring. This was very disturbing because the real me did not matter.

How can we feel we do not matter, no matter how many times others say we are special?

It was not that we can say - Self you matter! To do that before this would lead to automatic flash back to 'prove' why I did not matter.

It was not until Nov 2010 that after a session of group therapy (group wisdom) that i could shift from
'If I mattered' to 'I matter' it was a breakthrough / breakdown I survived.

So here I am now, I can say out loud 'I matter', with rare flash back or guilt.
For my next T session I asked to be allowed to talk about everything I remember of the SA, to see what else is to be learned.
Seems how I never considered that a 3-4 year old could have any wisdom, what else could I be missing?

This appointment is a week away and I will have a choice at the time to do this or not, and am preparing by remembering any good memories to hold onto as well as remembering the power my main human powers we all have and can develop over time.

These Main Human Powers Knowledge- Love - Will are from " the Psychology of Spirituality" H.B. Danesh

And the concept of Equality is from "Your Perfect Right" Robert Alberti, Michael Emmons

And the idea of Violence as a symptom and not a disease. From "Unity the Creative Foundation of Peace" H.B. Danesh

And one other source of information that has inspired me to see our human value is the from www.theRSA especially the 10 minute animations- I am not at full concentration powers

As well as sharing what I have learned and reminding me how hard the effort is to create wellness and it will be a life long process,
I am asking support in thoughts/prayers that I grow-up from the confused 3-4 year old and ready to find my integrated self, that sees us all as connected and the suffering of one is the suffering of all.

May we all find peace.
Gently1