Quote:
Originally Posted by Gently1
I was not sure if this needs a tigger icon, no details, but I was surprised how writing this was triggering for me and maybe could be for others reading my story.
A few weeks ago in T, I found my personal power.
Thanks to the therapist sharing/noticing that I as 3-4 year old knew (had the power of knowledge)
that what I experienced was wrong! (Not my fault  )
I knew the power of love of my grandma and trusted her to protect me.
I knew the power of will when I told her my story. Even when told not to!
As most things in the 60's this was never mentioned again, not even to me or my parents, and even though the problem was 'taken care of' it left me feeling invisable and not trusting of my own senses or of others.
My awakening to my wholeness started when friends took care of me after cancer surgery.(just a fling with cancer)
My world shifted as I felt true love and caring. This was very disturbing because the real me did not matter. 
How can we feel we do not matter, no matter how many times others say we are special?
It was not that we can say - Self you matter! To do that before this would lead to automatic flash back to 'prove' why I did not matter.
It was not until Nov 2010 that after a session of group therapy (group wisdom) that i could shift from
'If I mattered' to 'I matter' it was a breakthrough / breakdown I survived.
So here I am now, I can say out loud 'I matter', with rare flash back or guilt.
For my next T session I asked to be allowed to talk about everything I remember of the SA, to see what else is to be learned.
Seems how I never considered that a 3-4 year old could have any wisdom  , what else could I be missing?
This appointment is a week away and I will have a choice at the time to do this or not, and am preparing by remembering any good memories to hold onto as well as remembering the power my main human powers we all have and can develop over time.
These Main Human Powers Knowledge- Love - Will are from " the Psychology of Spirituality" H.B. Danesh
And the concept of Equality is from "Your Perfect Right" Robert Alberti, Michael Emmons
And the idea of Violence as a symptom and not a disease. From "Unity the Creative Foundation of Peace" H.B. Danesh
And one other source of information that has inspired me to see our human value is the from www.theRSA especially the 10 minute animations- I am not at full concentration powers 
As well as sharing what I have learned and reminding me how hard the effort is to create wellness and it will be a life long process,
I am asking support in thoughts/prayers that I grow-up from the confused 3-4 year old and ready to find my integrated self, that sees us all as connected and the suffering of one is the suffering of all.
May we all find peace.
Gently1 |
Thank you for sharing. Oh, the wisdom of a 3-4year old. I had a person ask me about that, it is thought that this can't be, I don't agree, I agree with you, yes, it can be.
No, I knew something too back then and I also know about the way things can get pushed aside and you can feel like your invisible. No, they didn't talk back then, and they really didn't know much either. Yet we had TV's back then, I think we just kept inventing tools and forgot to think about us. We still have a way to go on the US PART. Well, at least we are trying.
That statement that you made about the 3-4 year old and my own agreement only shows me we have a way to go yet. Don't you wish they could do it as fast as we are spitting out new technology? Wouldn't that be nice? How about heres your new slim pocket computer preprogramed with the answers to all your questions about you? LOL
Now there you go, I just gave someone an idea, after all, if we can think it we can do it. So when does that start?, what age does that start?, I think much earlier than is currently recognized.
Sounds like you have been doing some reading and following the instuctions, thats a start.
No, I understand your facination about that 3-4 year old, me too. I seemed to know something very surprising back then, I can not help but to ponder about it. Well, we cant go back there can we, yeah wouldn't that be nice, time travel, go back and tap ourselves on the should and say, how come you know this, how did you figure it out? Ooo, another idea.
I think that at best we would have to remember everything about what we saw that helped us to notice it or seem to have a feeling about it.
I have done that and it has helped. I do think that some of how I reacted or formed an understanding was also based on my genetics. I had a certain capacity that I was born with. I also think that part of it is the base of human survival. I also think that if it is threatened so much without a resourse, we can divide into different entities in our brain to compensate for lack of an outside resource. I think that the fact that you had an outside resource was very good, even though that resource didn't come to you and say, ok, I talked to someone and it will never happen again and somehow make you a part of the process of resolving the issue.
I saw something different than you back then, I saw a resource but the situation that surrounded me was very fragile, hmmmm, at 3-4 I knew that, how come? Not supposed to be huh? No, I knew I couldn't tell, that would make the already strained atmosphere lose whatever little balance it had. How did I know that? I also knew that I was not stong enough for a possible consequence that could very well have taken place had I chose to seek out the resource. But, I did know that if it got really bad, I could run to that resource, that would have to be the last resort.
NOW, HOW DOES A 3-4 YEAR OLD KNOW THIS?
So, in calming down a bit, I have to say that yes, you must acknowledge that 3-4 year old and know that you made it thru and you are now working on the strong side of you and have obtained the level you desire thru the steps that you have followed in the studies you have made and practices you have done. And yes, you will be on a maintanence and improvement schedule for as long as you live.
Open Eyes