I have finally realized that rejecting the faith of my family is to become something of an outcast. Once when I was younger, my Mother said something to the effect that family relations with any family member who left the Catholic faith would be "different", but I never thought I would see it come true. I wish this didn't have to be between us, but it is. It always will be. It breaks my heart, but I don't know how to go back in time and believe again. I don't want to either. Believing broke my heart and not being able to breaks it again. I just want out already. I hate the way they do things, the way they live and the way they have forced me to live. They are no happier than I am, yet they are the righteous ones. I do not mean to be bitter. I try tor respect them and their faith, even though it often fills me with anger, despair and horrible personal conflict. Yet I still love them. Even though they are all around me and usually everything is fine and I can 'forget' about it, I still feel like I have some how lost my family.