((((peaches)))) You aren't a failure...your past, your pain...it isn't your fault. Everyone processes differently ... I know what it's like to feel like a lost cause, I am there all the time... but don't give up hope. If there is no hope for you then there isn't any for me either...all I can tell you is to keep reaching out for help because it isn't over until we give up. (I need to listen to my own advice here...because I am in the "giving up" frame of mind these days)