I am currently dating and living with my highschool sweetheart from 10 years ago. We have been together since October of 2010 and have been living together since January 2011. He has two children with two different women. The oldest is 5 and with a mother that was an "oops" situation. The mother really has nothing to do with this child and I have been more of a mother to him in the past 6 months than he's had his entire life. The youngest is a 2 year old girl and he was married to her mother. Not divorced yet, but working on it. My boyfriend is a chef and works in the evenings, so by the time I get home from my 9 to 5 job he is at work and I am taking care of his oldest child everyday. We only get the little girl once maybe twice a week.
I really love this man, and am fully aware of the fact that I have to accept his children if I want to be with him. I have to admit that I have handled it like a champ especially with not having children of my own. This is the first live in boyfriend, and my world has changed dramitcally. Especially going from being alone everyday, to having a little person by my side 24/7.
I find that I have more melancholy days than happy days. I feel like I should feel blessed and happy that I finally have a family...but I cannot accept the fact that I have to take care of someone elses children everyday. I can't look at this little guy as my own and just get used to the routine of things. I do have a bond with him, however, I don't feel that it is as strong as is should be. I feel like its a task not a privilege to take care of a child. I hate this feeling and wish there was a way that I could just accept these children. I have tried, and prayed, but I just can't do it. I really don't want to end things with my boyfriend because I do care about him so much. I cant help but feel like we can't grow as a couple because we have conflicting work schedules and always a child. (Thats not mine) I take prozac, but I don't feel like a pill alone will help this feeling. I need to fix myself, but I don't know how.
Thank you.