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I am tired. Emotionally and physically. I find myself wandering around, wishing for escape. Fantasizing about jumping into the Mississippi river and/or standing on the train tracks at the last moment. I wish that I could end it. I seriously do!

I know that my girls have put up with enough misery from me. They don't need to suffer anymore. Yet, it seems cruel to have to live a life of misery, to make others less unhappy. I take my meds. I go to therapy regularly. I visit an elderly lady, who lives alone & needs help, every week. I care for my boyfriend. I see my daughters regularly too.

What am I doing wrong? Why are these temptations coming back into my life now? I did talk to my T about these thoughts today ~ and I promised not to act upon them. But I won't see him for another 2 weeks. ughhh... That's such a long time to be feeling like this. I need some happiness.